Motherhood is not my Ultimate Calling

I wake up in the morning to either a baby crying or a kid (or kids) jumping on our bed.  I go to sleep after feeding a baby at night.  My days are marked by what time to pick my kids up, what time to drop them off, what events they have going on, what appointments may be scheduled, etc.  At this stage of life, much of my time is marked around my moments of mothering.

But, motherhood is not my ultimate calling.  If it were, what would that mean for my life when my kids are some day out of my house?  What would that mean for some people who never bear children of their own?  What would that mean if, Heaven forbid, something happened to my children?

My ultimate calling in this life is to give glory to God.  In whatever situation I find myself in, I am called to give glory to God. In 1 Corinthians 10 we’re reminded “whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”.  That means whatever situation I find myself in throughout life, I can use it as a means to bring God glory.

Currently my main way of giving glory to God is through my mothering.  (As I stated above, with 4 kids, much of my time is spent mothering them).  What does that look like for me?  It’s doing my Bible study in the morning while the kids are still laying around and half of them are in school.  It’s listening to podcasts and sermons while doing dishes, cleaning, or feeding a bottle.  It’s CONSTANTLY praying for me to receive the tasks I’ve been given to do, in a God honoring way.

You may find your job fills most of your time.  You may be a full time student who finds yourself immersed in books and studying.  You may find yourself at a stage in life where you are caring for elder family members.  You may be a lucky grandparent who gets to watch your grandchild during the day.  Your situations will change throughout life.  Whatever your situation is, our calling is all the same- Do All To The Glory of God.

Social Justice is a Christian’s worry

“Let us examine together the Word of God, and then you will know what has moved me to sacrifice property and friendship, and home and reputation.  With Christian patience and Christian love, give me your attention to the end of this letter, whilst I endeavor to show you that the Holy God disapproves American slavery.” –William Brisbane, Abolitionist

As I learn more about history, it always surprises me how much history repeats itself.  As a Christian, who has adopted and fostered and has a multi racial family, it has surprised me how many people (some Christian) have thought I’m speaking up for things that aren’t actually a Christian’s concern.

While slavery isn’t the known social injustice in today’s time period, there are many other prevalent social injustices still evident.  You may be someone who chooses to put your head in the sand and say “that’s just the way it is”.  That doesn’t stop it from existing.  People made excuses for slavery, but that didn’t make it right.  If you are a Christian, especially, you have a duty to speak up for the marginalized and the down trodden.

For one, we have to be careful to try to not break our lives into “categories”.  It’s a dangerous thing to say “God belongs in this part of my life but not that part of my life”.  God is ruler of the world and that does not exclude the entirety of your life.  Every single part of our life is meant to bring honor and glory to God, no area being excluded.

We also can see in the Bible that Jesus was very much involved in breaking social norms while he walked the earth.  We see him giving respect to women (which wasn’t done often in those times).  They were seen as people that didn’t really have a voice and should just do what they were told to do.  He sat with “publicans, harlots, and sinners”.  People complained when Jesus went to Zacchaeus’s house because they didn’t think he was worthy of entertaining the presence of Jesus.

We should be a voice for all injustices in the world (as they accord with the Bible).  We need to not be so concerned with popularity, our reputation, or our own things when it comes to giving a voice to what is right.  We need to believe that we are all part of one family and act as such.

 

Adopted

I found myself sitting with baby K earlier this week making an “About Me” poster for her Preschool class.  We put her birth date and birth location.  She is the only one of my children who wasn’t born where we all live.  It seemed weird writing it, it felt like writing that made her different from the rest of my kids.  I know, I know, she is adopted.  She is a different race.  So obviously she LOOKS different from the other kids, but I feel like all of them look different from each other.  Sure, you could look at our biological kids and see some of mine and the hubs physical features in them.

I never have felt like they were any more destined to be in our family than baby K though, just because she was once adopted.  There has never been a doubt in my mind that she was destined, before hand to be exactly where she is.  Just like my bio kids.

It’s funny how much we put on “physical traits” to mean that a child belongs to a family.  Some biological families don’t even resemble each other, but when I write her birth location and when I am out and about with my family, I know that people view her as the one that “was lucky to end up in our family”.

Here’s a little bit about the luck that baby had of getting into this family.  She was brought into this first world by a momma who knew she couldn’t provide for her.  She was hand picked, by her first momma to join this family.  She was wheeled directly into a separate room after birth, while being comforted by a voice she didn’t recognize.  She lived in hotel rooms (with her family) for 2 weeks before coming home.  She has dealt with horrible asthma, that we can’t get answers to, since she was a newborn.

Truthfully, while I’m telling you her story, I could do it for any of my kids.  I could tell you how my first child screamed so much when he was a baby that I took all my maternity clothes to Goodwill when he was 3 months old.  I could tell you that I struggle daily with him believing he has to share this house with his sisters.  I could recount the story of #2’s birth and how she or I could have not come out of the operating room when she was born.  How I struggle now for her to not take everything so personally.  My youngest may physically resemble our family a bit more than baby K, but he was left at a hospital a couple of hours old.  He was welcomed into his home after a brief stint in 2 different hospitals.

I say all that to say this, we all have somewhere that our story began.  Biological children are not a formula to ensure the ease of their life or your family unit.  I find this most encouraging because I’m adopted too.  I came from a background of someone who loved myself more than most all others,  someone who lived in several homes growing up, someone who hasn’t always tried to have good relationships with those in my family.  I was someone who did several things I was ashamed of as I grew older.

Then I was adopted.  I was adopted into a family where “in Jesus Christ, you are all son’s of God, through faith.” (Galatians 3:26)  I was welcomed into a family, not based on my race, gender, economic status, or any other means.  I was welcomed because Jesus sought me, before the beginning of time, to be an heir with Him.

My story is different from yours.  My story is different from my husband’s, my childrens’, my friends’, but that’s only part of my story.  That’s only where it began.  Now we are brother’s and sister’s with each other, not because I was lucky or because I met a criteria.  Simply because I was chosen.  My brothers and sisters don’t all look like me either.

All of my children were handpicked to be in this earthly family.  It doesn’t matter that one of my children was born in a different state.  It doesn’t even matter that two of the four are biological.  They are brothers and sisters.  While their beginning was different from the others; they all ended up in this family.  Not on accident.  Not because any were lucky.

Because God chose us to steward each of these lives and raise them up to send them out.  Not for my husband nor myself- but for the One whose family they will ultimately end up in.  That family is for eternity.  I hope and pray to some day call them my brothers or sisters in Christ, because ultimately that’s where our family is headed.  This too, is just our beginning.

 

Morality VS Christianity

I am a woman in my early 30s.  I am a Christian.  I am right around the Millenial/Generation X time frame.  I tend to get a little disheartened when I hear the older generation of people discuss our world as if “the best has already been” and “it’s all downhill from here”.  Yes, I am of this generation so it’s not hard for me to find pros of this generation.  You relate to something more when you live it.

We can all agree that in the past, there were more laws (written and unwritten) that helped to hold up a certain level of morality in our culture.  We cannot equate morality to Christianity though.  If you yearn for the “good ole’ days” you’re probably not yearning for more Christianity, as much as you are yearning for more morality.  Therefore, I don’t necessarily feel as though it’s a topic that always needs to be discussed in the Christian circles as though all the Christians have disappeared.

I will argue that church events used to be more of a social thing than they are now.  People (Christian and not) would go to these events just to be able to socialize with friends.  This does still happen today, just not to the extent that it used to be.  Actions do not always signify a heart change.  Have you ever heard of the Pharisees? They were probably the most moral people you could find in their time, yet God called them hypocrites repeatedly.

Discussing our day like this always suggests a lack of trust in God’s work.  Does God have you here on accident?  Is the world the way it is on accident?  Does God just gasp in surprise every day? The answer here is no, to all of the above questions.  He has you here ON PURPOSE during THIS TIME.  Yes, we are dealing with things that may be “new” to our current living generations.  History also repeats itself, and I look in the Bible and see there is truly “nothing new under the sun”.

God doesn’t make mistakes.  Regardless of current hardships you see in this life, God overcomes them all.  He always has. He always will.

The Frailty of Life

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote anything.  Things have been a little busy around here, but also I struggle with content and how I am relaying what I’m trying to say.  In all my endeavors, I strive to make God known and give Him the glory.  If I can share a joke or laugh in middle of 5 children under the age of 8 in our house, it’s because God has given me joy that exceeds my circumstances.  If I can look at a sunset and be in awe of it’s beauty, God is the one who created that beauty.  If I can handle 4 kids in my home on a regular basis, it’s because God gives me grace to…again and again.  If my husband can keep adoring me even through all of who I am, it’s because God is present in the marriage.

I occasionally take a break from sharing or writing because I like to evaluate what I’m trying to relay to people.  Am I coming from a place of wanting to exalt myself or exalt Him? Am I coming at this in love-for every single person created in the image of God?  With that, I have a heightened desire to write today.

The last few weeks have been heavy, even for someone like me who attempts to find joy or meaning in every circumstance.  I have been surrounded by people who are dealing with job complications, people dealing with a tragedy or death relating to their child, friends exhausted with seasons in their lives, my kids pushing boundaries, and trying to meet friends in their specific areas of need.  I’m sure the list could go on, but I don’t want to keep you here all day.

After I had Tripp, I would say I definitely struggled with PPD.  It wasn’t diagnosed, but I know myself and I know those extreme mood differences I was living in at the time.  I would almost have panic attacks when I thought of death after having him.  For some reason, having kids here definitely changed my perspective of death.  Really, before kids, I never thought much about it.  After kids, there were times it consumed me.  Tyler would have to hold me while I cried and panicked.

I would say that it’s really been in the past year or so that death doesn’t seem to have a hold on me it once did.  Does that mean I don’t struggle with certain situations in life? Absolutely not.  Do I understand why God would take a 7 year old child from their parents? No.  Do I know why God would let a woman who yearns to be a mother, have infertility struggles while allowing those whose children end up in state custody, continue to keep having babies? Nope.  I also know, those are the things God originally intended for us to have in our lives.  Because of the fall, and the resulting brokenness we will now live in fallen and broken places and circumstances.

Over time though, I have come to accept that death is just another part of this life.  (Like my rejection or acceptance would have changed anything regardless).  We are all going to face hardships, and often different ones, throughout this life.  We are also all going to face death.  I heard the other day that 50% of all children die by the age of 8 in the Himalayas.  We take for granted the fact that we are given life, and often abundant life here in America, and spend it helping or entertaining ourselves.

I read in my Bible reading this morning that we are called to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of God saving us for His own purpose and grace.  We know our time here is limited.  Even if you don’t want to face it, you KNOW it.  It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact.  Even when times feel heavy and I feel like I’m thinking of and praying for a new circumstance throughout entire days, these times have purpose too.  We spend so much of our lives toiling for things that won’t really have a generational difference.  We should work while we’re here.  We should have friendships.  We should help and try to make a difference for the time we are here.  There is one thing that I know will have a lasting effect on each and every one of us- and that is eternity.

Because, we will face a day in eternity.  We will behold the glory of the God who never left us.  The God who comforts me beyond comfort when I am feeling defeated.  The God who upholds me with His strength when I don’t know how I’m going to find the strength to continue.  The God whom I consider it a privilege to be counted worthy TO approach His throne of grace with prayer requests and hurts.  None of the hard days have to consume me because this life isn’t all there is.  I KNOW that to every season there is a purpose.  While we have more entertainment, longevity, and materials to distract ourselves from that truth; it doesn’t change the truth.

“You don’t have to know a lot of things for your life to make a lasting difference in the world.  But you do have to know the few great things that matter, perhaps just one, and be willing to live and die for them.”                  -John Piper

The ants go marching one-by-one…hoorah…

Yesterday morning I woke early to exercise and get my reading for the day done. Now if you know me at all, you know I detest mornings. Early bird gets the worm? Worms are stupid. I have no interest in them. However, it is getting harder and harder to fit those two things into my daily schedule. So rising earlier seems like my only choice at this stage in life.

Once I finished those two tasks, I went out to look at my gardens and fill my bird feeders. (You can’t be a crazy bird lady without any bird food). As I was pulling weeds, I noticed the millions of ants in my garden.

Instantly Proverbs 6:6 came to my mind “Go to the ant, thou sluggard; consider her ways, and be wise:” Have you ever sat and watched how ants moved? They are workers. They work in a colony. They all have tasks. They use seasons to know when to store food.

Why do I think God would tell us to consider her ways and be wise? Well, these verses are teaching to be productive and not lazy. But I also think there is something to thinking on something inferior, such as an ant, which leads us to give glory to God. When we spiritualize common things, we make the things of God ready and easy to us. By observing and thinking on these things, we can converse with them daily.

I hope you’re having a good Tuesday. I hope you feel purpose in your day. I hope you find a second to sit and consider the minute things in life that we often overlook.

Love your kids

I have been thinking a lot about the raising of our kids.  Partially because it is going so fast, and partially because it is so hard.  Many times we treat the raising and leading our children as inconveniences on our schedules, emotions, or time.  I believe that every situation we find ourselves in has the opportunity to form us more into the image of God, including motherhood.

We are told in Matthew to love our neighbor as ourselves.  In addition to loving God with all our heart, soul, and mind; all the commandments hang on these two instructions.  Do we realize our children (and those who live in our house with us) are our closest neighbors? Are my kids image bearers now or later? The obvious answer would be now.  They have opportunities to be influenced by the gospel this week, today, this minute.  Am I living in a way that shows them an example of the love of the Gospel?

Because of the fact that we know even now, they can be influenced by the Gospel, it is important what we show our children.  When I act annoyed or inconvenienced by having to stay up 10 minutes later discussing (again!) why we can’t throw a ball in the house, I am showing my kids that I care more about focusing on my time than helping them.  (I know, I know: but I need ME time!) I’m not discounting the fact that we need to take care of our emotional or physical state, but what I am emphasizing is that if we act as though we are the more important, we are teaching our kids to do the same.

I struggle with this constantly, while trying to intentionally be aware of it.  I have had to make choices that aren’t natural to me to help foster this “loving my neighbor” relationship with my kids.  When they have a day off from school and I am dreading the day of listening to arguing between all three of them, I remind myself that it’s an opportunity to love them.  I have made a conscious choice to never say “I wish they had school today” or “I really just need me time on that day.”  Because we all are members of this household.  We all belong here at this moment.

When I realize my kids are some of my closest neighbors, I also don’t down play or discount their relationship with God and the church.  I don’t drop my kids off to children’s church because “I need a break so I can focus on the real church.”  Their children’s church is an opportunity for my kids to be reached by the Gospel.  When I treat children’s church as an alternative to the “real” thing, I also discount those volunteers who have given their time, prayers, and energy to giving the Gospel to children.

I want to be clear: I am the parent.  My kids know sometimes they will have to do things they don’t understand or don’t like, but they also know my jobs are to teach them about God and to keep them safe.  I will implement rules as needed to achieve those two tasks, even if they don’t fully understand it.  While we all are members of this house, and as such will never be made to feel as an inconvenience while in this house.  But we also all contribute to this house in some way.  Obviously they don’t contribute monetarily, but we all have duties in the house.

Treating your children as “neighbors” doesn’t discount the fact that you are the parent, but it also doesn’t negate the fact that they have opportunities to see and show others the Gospel today, not 10 years from now when they are adults and out of your house.  I think we do a disservice by teaching our children to not be thinkers and individuals who learn how to discern.  We expect them to entertain us, like what we like, and do as we say just because we say- without showing them the Gospel in our actions.  Then we get confused when they are teens or adults and don’t know how to make decisions according to the truths of the Bible.

One last thing on this subject, God uses motherhood to help daily change us to be more into the image of God as well.  The other night I lost my temper and raised my voice every time one of my children spoke to me.  Crazy T asked me a question, I yelled my answer in response, and he responded “why did I deserve that yelling?”  Guys, don’t miss opportunities to be convicted because of your pride.  I could have said, “I’m the mom, I can do what I want.”  But I can’t do whatever I want when I’m trying to love my children as myself, when I’m trying to live in the Gospel truths myself.  So I swallowed my pride, and told that little boy “You’re right.  I’m sorry I yelled and you didn’t deserve that.”  He said okay and moved on.  THESE are my closest neighbors and I don’t want to neglect the opportunities I have to show the Gospel to them, just because it’s easier to do so.