You have probably, at some point, heard me talk about my lack of love for the “baby stage.” I think all life is precious, I just think they’re a little more precious when they let me sleep through the night. With that being said, I am feeling a need to take a journey down a road I try not to recall too often. It’s actually one that the hubs, my sisters, and a few other family members know about. Not all even know to the same degree.
I’ve always considered myself a pretty strong person. I’ve never really thrived on other’s approval. I actually prefer to NOT be doing what every one else is. One of the quickest ways to turn me off of something is for every one else to be doing or have it. I don’t remember anything contributing to this, it’s just how I’ve always been. With that being said, I KNEW I was going to be a great mom.
Fast-forward to November 2010. I gave birth to this adorable, screaming-until-he-was-5-months-old-baby boy. I went through postpartum with him. It was never officially diagnosed, but it was an extreme change. For one, I didn’t feel strong anymore. I was also at a point in life that I was trying to be something or someone I was not, in an effort to be the kind of mom I thought I was supposed to be. I also had other health issues at the time that contributed. I’m talking, like some nights I remember not wanting to get in the shower. I would step in the shower, feel anxious and get out. I had to talk myself through driving out of town by myself for a time period.
Mine was a situational change. There are some who’s struggles have been more “nature” than “nurture.” This is not a post about medicine. I am no doctor. Medicine was not going to be my first option because I have people in my life who have been on it without any real changes to the bigger problems in their lives. My doctor (who is awesome BTW) even explained it to me, that a lot of times medicine helps to take the edge off so you can focus on the actual problem you are having.
This post is not for elaborating on any of those things. I can’t diagnose or prescribe anything for anyone. I broke down one night crying on the floor with a 6-month old on my lap. I cried out to God. I knew that I couldn’t do it on my own, but I also knew that I couldn’t live my life how I had been. I also changed the things in my life that needed to be changed.
I want to share some verses I memorized to help me focus on something other than myself during that time:
“There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that with ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
“Who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we are comforted by God.” 2 Corinthians 1:4
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will therefore boast all the more gladly, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
Sometimes in life God will give you more than you can handle, because He doesn’t want us to just rest on our own strength but in His. God will sometimes give us “thorns” in the flesh as a gift to learn to depend on Him. A gift? Yes, my biggest times of growth were during my deepest struggles.
Know that your struggle(s) do not define you. I hesitated on typing this for a minute because I thought “what if I go through another time of struggle after I typed out what helped me out of mine?” If I do, I will just redo the things I did again and persist. Friends, the one thing we can count on in life is change. Things will change up until we take our last breath. No situation will last forever.