November is National Adoption Month. I love that we as a society have set aside a time period to give light to adoption. Adoption is amazing, exciting, and hard. To deny it is hard would be lying, but you can’t deny how much it is worth it as well.
We got a call in May 2015 that a little girl was due in a month. Her first mom would like us to raise her daughter if it was something we would be interested in. (Did you know a couple was actually previously matched to baby K’s mom before us?) I can’t imagine that spunky girl being anywhere but here. We went up to the hospital while first mom was in labor and baby girl was wheeled into our room as soon as she was born. She’s been with us since.
April 2016, we got a call that baby K’s mom was expecting a baby due to be born in November. She wanted us to have that baby as well. A lot of things happened in that situation. First mom lost her mom 2 weeks before baby girl #2 was born. Then CPS services got involved, but ultimately first mom decided to try to keep and raise baby girl herself. We had 48 hrs of kissing and loving on that baby.
I don’t bring up our failed adoption to evoke fear of adoption out of anyone. I bring it up to say, it happened, we broke a little, but we’re still here and just as passionate about adoption as ever. I always knew adoption was going to be in my life story. Before I even met the hubs, I knew I wanted to do something like that.
Each and every time my life has been touched by it, it just ignites a greater passion. Us going through the foster system this time will probably be our last outreach like this, but I can’t ever picture myself not advocating for adoption or trying to fill in somewhere.
Here’s my thing: if children’s basic needs aren’t met, they can’t learn very well beyond that. From my experience, and of hearing stories, these birth parents aren’t necessarily always doing this out of a place of disregard or lack of desire for that child. Many have never experienced love and support themselves. You cannot expect someone to give something they’ve never experienced or been acquainted to. We. Have. To. Be. Filling. Gaps.
Loving my adopted child has never been hard. I do not believe her ending up in this family was never not in God’s plan for her life. Whether my children were homegrown or not, my purpose of parenting them is the same. I am nurturing and raising them up to send them out. They are their own person. (Even the ones that may resemble the husband and myself). We have never been raising them for our entertainment. We do not have them for a cute little accessory to show off to people.
Baby K was adopted, and I never want her to feel shame about how she came into my life. She had a first mom who loved her enough to choose someone else to raise her and try to give her more than she could. She has a second mom who will give her every opportunity, encouragement, and love-just like every single kid who comes into my home. Baby K’s whole life story is not that she was adopted. I want her to feel confident in where she came from, but even more sure of where she’s going.
Adoption is a perfect reminder that our lives (or someone else’s) can change at any moment with a choice. That true joy doesn’t come from self-service but self-abandonment. Somewhere in the middle of learning to think of others a little more, you find out what’s really worth living for.