If not, I don’t want it.

I’m not a patient person. I have never been patient. I would say that I probably never will be, but I know God transforms whatever He will so maybe some day I won’t be quite so impatient.

For being an impatient person, I have found myself waiting for important things a lot in the past 3-4 years. I remember anxiously awaiting the call that KB was going to be born. For a good month, my heart sunk to my feet every time my phone rang. Then we went through the same situation while waiting for KB’s little sister.

Now, we are waiting to welcome a child into our home again- waiting for the ring of the phone again. Every.Single.Time. I think “Oh this is going to happen fast. I’m not going to wait at all.” (I’m nothing if not persistent 😜). But alas, here we are, waiting.

I was telling Tyler last night that I’ve been praying “If it’s not your will, I don’t want it.” (Meaning, If today is not your day for us, help me not to want it to be today). Let me say, I want it YESTERDAY. I am praying for my heart to be changed while waiting. We can’t control our situations or the time span in which things occur, but we can control how we wait or how we live.

Tyler is fine waiting until after Christmas to welcome a child into our home. It’s a crazy busy Christmas season. #amiright? I know logically it would be best for our lives if it were after Christmas, I just don’t want to wait for “after Christmas” to get here.

It’s important that we wait well. God doesn’t care so much about changing our circumstances as he care about changing our hearts. Do I believe all things work to the good of those that love Him? Yes. Do I believe God has my ultimate good and His ultimate glory in mind? Yes. Those are the truths I must rest on.

Don’t be disheartened if you still find areas of life that you still struggle with. God will meet you right where you are. Thankfully, if you’re looking to Him, He won’t leave you where you are.

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