I Can’t Protect Them From It All

I am 10 years or so in to parenting. I have spent most of my years trying to protect them from anything that will hinder their true personality or cause unnecessary pain. I have recently realized that their are going to be outside circumstances that will inevitably effect their growing into their own person, regardless of how much I want to stop it.

My 8 year old daughter has began changing a lot of things we thought were “part of who she is” of late. She has always loved sparkles, pink, frills, and anything girly. In the past few months, this has become a complete about face. She wants a completely new wardrobe of nothing girly. She wants to cut her hair shorter; whereas before she’s always loved her long, blonde locks.

I know she is also my child who wants to fit in with those around her. I am 98% certain that the change in appearance is linked to the fact that she doesn’t see many other friends into the girly things she was into. I can’t even tell you the number of times I have asked her why the change, her responses always being “I just don’t like it anymore”.

On the other side of that, I know my kids don’t care about a lot of things their friends do, and for that I feel to blame. Because of the makeup of our family, we have experienced more loss and heartbreak than most. Etched into my memory is my 4 and 6 year olds crying as we said goodbye to our almost adopted baby girl. I can see a clear image in my mind of us walking out of the State Foster Care Visitation building as we said goodbye to the little man we loved on for several months.

Now, don’t get me wrong-the brokenness that comes with fostering and adoption is minuscule compared to the beauty that has come from it in our family. We have 2 beautiful babies who are thriving in our home. We are able to, daily show our kids that looks and appearance alone do not make a family. We are able to show how easy it can be to be grafted in, what it means to “be adopted as sons”.

I want to protect them from everything, but I also know this life was given its thorns and thistles for a reason. Every area of this life is marked with sin and unrest. So in the meantime, I will be here for my kids, knowing none of our lives (including theirs) will be perfect or without suffering. Together we will look forward to a time where all things will be made new. One day we won’t be crying over good byes. There will be a time we don’t live to please anyone but the only One who matters. This is our hope.

Rest for Struggle

For my entire life (that I can remember) I remember yearning for the normal, consistent, boring family. I remember watching TV shows thinking “I’m going to have that life some day”.

Welp, here I am: a house full of kids, blessed to be able to (mostly) stay home, a husband who adores me (there must be something wrong right?) and that I adore equally in return. I legit go to bed every night thanking God for giving me so much more than I deserve. These gifts are not lost on me.

I also recognized something else in my life though. There is no normal. We have been through many transitions in our 11 years of marriage. We married young, had babies young, adopted, had a failed adoption, and gone into foster care. That’s just in our immediate family! I’m not even including anything else coming from outside my house.

I started to get pretty confident that I’m a cool cucumber (is that a thing?) now. We’ve handled it all, there’s nothing new to stress about anymore. Then Covid happened. Then school enrollment happened. Who knew signing your kids up for school could lead to eye twitches? (Thanks stress).

But then I remembered something: this is my gift. This life. This family. This struggle. Guys-in this life I’m marching with my eyes set on something much bigger, better even. It doesn’t end with today’s problems, or even today’s blessings.

Every transition or change in life should be approached with one goal in mind- to glorify Christ. Am I trusting in Him? Not just with my decisions, but to sustain me after those choices are made. Do I believe that if I made a choice I regretted, that God will use it for His good regardless, if I’m looking to Him?

Because that’s the truth friends: God is the end all. The decisions you and I are facing may seem huge, even overwhelming, right now. But they are still temporary problems. While Covid and it’s repercussions may last longer than we’d like, and it may effect more areas of life than we’d like, eventually it will end. When it gets to be too much, remember what you’re marching towards- Who you will meet at the finish line. In the meantime, let’s give grace and love each other.

Social Justice is a Christian’s worry

“Let us examine together the Word of God, and then you will know what has moved me to sacrifice property and friendship, and home and reputation.  With Christian patience and Christian love, give me your attention to the end of this letter, whilst I endeavor to show you that the Holy God disapproves American slavery.” –William Brisbane, Abolitionist

As I learn more about history, it always surprises me how much history repeats itself.  As a Christian, who has adopted and fostered and has a multi racial family, it has surprised me how many people (some Christian) have thought I’m speaking up for things that aren’t actually a Christian’s concern.

While slavery isn’t the known social injustice in today’s time period, there are many other prevalent social injustices still evident.  You may be someone who chooses to put your head in the sand and say “that’s just the way it is”.  That doesn’t stop it from existing.  People made excuses for slavery, but that didn’t make it right.  If you are a Christian, especially, you have a duty to speak up for the marginalized and the down trodden.

For one, we have to be careful to try to not break our lives into “categories”.  It’s a dangerous thing to say “God belongs in this part of my life but not that part of my life”.  God is ruler of the world and that does not exclude the entirety of your life.  Every single part of our life is meant to bring honor and glory to God, no area being excluded.

We also can see in the Bible that Jesus was very much involved in breaking social norms while he walked the earth.  We see him giving respect to women (which wasn’t done often in those times).  They were seen as people that didn’t really have a voice and should just do what they were told to do.  He sat with “publicans, harlots, and sinners”.  People complained when Jesus went to Zacchaeus’s house because they didn’t think he was worthy of entertaining the presence of Jesus.

We should be a voice for all injustices in the world (as they accord with the Bible).  We need to not be so concerned with popularity, our reputation, or our own things when it comes to giving a voice to what is right.  We need to believe that we are all part of one family and act as such.