I always tell my kids “you are in charge of your actions no matter how you feel”. From an early age, I wanted my kids to recognize that they have the ability to control their emotions, not the other way around. I always acknowledge their feelings and that the feelings are real, but that they are able (were legitimately born with the ability) to control them.
I fear we, as a society, have forgotten this as of late. I don’t agree with the idea of not discussing feelings. But when we put too much emphasis on the feelings themselves we fail to acknowledge that it is within our power to control them.
I used to play the clarinet. It was appropriate to tune the instrument and to move your fingers in certain ways in order to achieve the desired sound you wanted to come out of it. Much like my old clarinet; our emotions are things that we tune to appropriate responses to certain objects.
When we find our emotions heightened, we focus on the object that is producing that certain emotion. The focus of the situation should not be the emotion itself but the object causing that emotion. We, as human beings, have been born with the ability to control, and when appropriate, even train our emotions to respond appropriately to certain situations.
C.S. Lewis stated in “Abolition of Man” that “no emotion is, in itself, a judgment; in that sense all emotions and sentiments are alogical. But they can be reasonable or unreasonable as they conform to Reason or fail to conform. The heart never takes the place of the head: but it can, and should, obey it”.
Proverbs 14:29 states that “whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly”. Folly is defined as a lack of sense, foolishness. Apparently understanding and knowledge leads to the ability to control emotions. A person who is quick to anger lacks sense.
I also feel it would be remiss to not mention that not all feelings are truth. Yes, once again, it is true that you may feel them, but because you are feeling them doesn’t mean they are true. Want proof of this? Come visit me towards the beginning of every month when that lovely lady friend is here for her monthly visit.
We are often stronger than we believe, and one of the strengths we contain is the ability to control our emotions.