Suffering with others

I went through a hard time a few years ago. It was about a year after the failed attempt to adopt our daughter’s sister. I think it took a year to realize she probably wasn’t going to end up with us. Losing hope like that is heartbreaking. I found myself being discontent with life, the way my life is. Should I be more than just a mom? Did the hubs really appreciate me? Am I ever going to fit in with my family and friends?

This led me to act different with others. I wasn’t calling to God as I once did. I wasn’t reaching into His Word when I needed answers. I knew I was angry with the situation, but I wanted to mull in that for a little bit. I wanted to be angry. I wanted to live in the disappointment I felt for a little bit.

One of the most surprising things, was that throughout my struggles, some of my Christian friends were the ones who didn’t have patience for my struggle. They were ones that just kept their distance, and I guess waited to see if it would pass or not.

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that feelings are not always truth. God made us human. He gave us feelings. We see that Jesus felt things while He was here. (Weeping when Lazarus died). We must not be afraid to feel, but we must also reflect on those feelings in light of what we know to be true.

I did have a friend (and many others), but one sticks out, that just tried to love me during that. Yes, she is a Christian so this is by no means a bash on Christians. But she met me where I was. She asked me what was going on. I knew she was praying for me and she was sharing truths we both depended on. She also wasn’t afraid to sit with me in the pit for a little bit. This made all the difference in the world in my seeing the goodness of God in the midst of my struggle. That’s why we’re here anyway: to spread the love, truth, and wisdom of God.

I fear this is something we forget far too often nowadays. You can log on to any social media platform today and within minutes see people attacking others. We have so many opinions out there anymore it’s easy to get caught up in it. I’ve found myself in it a time or twenty.

We are told to love one another, bear with one another, be patient with one another, serve one another, teach one another, comfort one another, encourage one another, and the list goes on. We cannot do that when we are caught up in our own self righteousness.

In order to do any of those tasks we must humble ourselves. I realize it’s not always easy to walk alongside others during certain events in life. I get it. I don’t know of many other ways that show the love of God more than suffering beside and for others. After all, that’s what Jesus did for us.

May we start from a place of humility before we approach others who are struggling, or even those who are joyful. May we remember that we are reminded in Romans 12 to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

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The year we didn’t ask for…

I love stories. I remember one of the first children’s books I fell in love with, The Rainbow Fish by Marcus Pfister. The shiny scales captivated me. I remember the sadness I felt the first time I read Mick Harte Was Here by Barbara Park.

My fascination with stories has continued well throughout my life, but expands further than just books. I collect antiques because I love picturing the person who once owned the piece before me. I like imagining how they might have decorated with that item. I put stickers on my vehicle from where we visit because I like looking at the locations on the stickers and remembering the trip and stories that go alone with it.

I recently read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst. In that book, Alexander goes through all the bad things that have happened to him throughout the day. He wakes up with gum in his hair. He found out he had a cavity. He falls in mud. His brother calls him a cry baby, along with many other wrongs in that particular day. The book ends with saying “mom says some days are like that”.

Well guys, this is our terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (year). It seems as though things have been piled on one right after the other. We adjust to one thing and a new situation appears. Things have been piling up one right after another.

We can focus on all the things going wrong or we can accept the fact that, in life, there will be times like this. Generations before us have faced difficulties in life. Some have faced problems that affect a big population and others have faced personal problems in life, ones that others may not know about.

Our reactions to these situations can make all the difference. This is a difficult part to our story or life, but we get to choose how it ends. The statement “mom says some days are like that” changed the entire tone of the book. It went from a story of hopelessness to one that is hopeful.

I hope where ever you find yourself today, you are able to find moments of happiness or calm. If you are struggling to find the good right now, I hope you find the courage to keep moving forward. I hope you realize that you are never alone. I hope you know, this too, will pass. I hope you know “some days are like that”.

Continue reading “The year we didn’t ask for…”

Rest for Struggle

For my entire life (that I can remember) I remember yearning for the normal, consistent, boring family. I remember watching TV shows thinking “I’m going to have that life some day”.

Welp, here I am: a house full of kids, blessed to be able to (mostly) stay home, a husband who adores me (there must be something wrong right?) and that I adore equally in return. I legit go to bed every night thanking God for giving me so much more than I deserve. These gifts are not lost on me.

I also recognized something else in my life though. There is no normal. We have been through many transitions in our 11 years of marriage. We married young, had babies young, adopted, had a failed adoption, and gone into foster care. That’s just in our immediate family! I’m not even including anything else coming from outside my house.

I started to get pretty confident that I’m a cool cucumber (is that a thing?) now. We’ve handled it all, there’s nothing new to stress about anymore. Then Covid happened. Then school enrollment happened. Who knew signing your kids up for school could lead to eye twitches? (Thanks stress).

But then I remembered something: this is my gift. This life. This family. This struggle. Guys-in this life I’m marching with my eyes set on something much bigger, better even. It doesn’t end with today’s problems, or even today’s blessings.

Every transition or change in life should be approached with one goal in mind- to glorify Christ. Am I trusting in Him? Not just with my decisions, but to sustain me after those choices are made. Do I believe that if I made a choice I regretted, that God will use it for His good regardless, if I’m looking to Him?

Because that’s the truth friends: God is the end all. The decisions you and I are facing may seem huge, even overwhelming, right now. But they are still temporary problems. While Covid and it’s repercussions may last longer than we’d like, and it may effect more areas of life than we’d like, eventually it will end. When it gets to be too much, remember what you’re marching towards- Who you will meet at the finish line. In the meantime, let’s give grace and love each other.

Morality VS Christianity

I am a woman in my early 30s.  I am a Christian.  I am right around the Millenial/Generation X time frame.  I tend to get a little disheartened when I hear the older generation of people discuss our world as if “the best has already been” and “it’s all downhill from here”.  Yes, I am of this generation so it’s not hard for me to find pros of this generation.  You relate to something more when you live it.

We can all agree that in the past, there were more laws (written and unwritten) that helped to hold up a certain level of morality in our culture.  We cannot equate morality to Christianity though.  If you yearn for the “good ole’ days” you’re probably not yearning for more Christianity, as much as you are yearning for more morality.  Therefore, I don’t necessarily feel as though it’s a topic that always needs to be discussed in the Christian circles as though all the Christians have disappeared.

I will argue that church events used to be more of a social thing than they are now.  People (Christian and not) would go to these events just to be able to socialize with friends.  This does still happen today, just not to the extent that it used to be.  Actions do not always signify a heart change.  Have you ever heard of the Pharisees? They were probably the most moral people you could find in their time, yet God called them hypocrites repeatedly.

Discussing our day like this always suggests a lack of trust in God’s work.  Does God have you here on accident?  Is the world the way it is on accident?  Does God just gasp in surprise every day? The answer here is no, to all of the above questions.  He has you here ON PURPOSE during THIS TIME.  Yes, we are dealing with things that may be “new” to our current living generations.  History also repeats itself, and I look in the Bible and see there is truly “nothing new under the sun”.

God doesn’t make mistakes.  Regardless of current hardships you see in this life, God overcomes them all.  He always has. He always will.

The Frailty of Life

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote anything.  Things have been a little busy around here, but also I struggle with content and how I am relaying what I’m trying to say.  In all my endeavors, I strive to make God known and give Him the glory.  If I can share a joke or laugh in middle of 5 children under the age of 8 in our house, it’s because God has given me joy that exceeds my circumstances.  If I can look at a sunset and be in awe of it’s beauty, God is the one who created that beauty.  If I can handle 4 kids in my home on a regular basis, it’s because God gives me grace to…again and again.  If my husband can keep adoring me even through all of who I am, it’s because God is present in the marriage.

I occasionally take a break from sharing or writing because I like to evaluate what I’m trying to relay to people.  Am I coming from a place of wanting to exalt myself or exalt Him? Am I coming at this in love-for every single person created in the image of God?  With that, I have a heightened desire to write today.

The last few weeks have been heavy, even for someone like me who attempts to find joy or meaning in every circumstance.  I have been surrounded by people who are dealing with job complications, people dealing with a tragedy or death relating to their child, friends exhausted with seasons in their lives, my kids pushing boundaries, and trying to meet friends in their specific areas of need.  I’m sure the list could go on, but I don’t want to keep you here all day.

After I had Tripp, I would say I definitely struggled with PPD.  It wasn’t diagnosed, but I know myself and I know those extreme mood differences I was living in at the time.  I would almost have panic attacks when I thought of death after having him.  For some reason, having kids here definitely changed my perspective of death.  Really, before kids, I never thought much about it.  After kids, there were times it consumed me.  Tyler would have to hold me while I cried and panicked.

I would say that it’s really been in the past year or so that death doesn’t seem to have a hold on me it once did.  Does that mean I don’t struggle with certain situations in life? Absolutely not.  Do I understand why God would take a 7 year old child from their parents? No.  Do I know why God would let a woman who yearns to be a mother, have infertility struggles while allowing those whose children end up in state custody, continue to keep having babies? Nope.  I also know, those are the things God originally intended for us to have in our lives.  Because of the fall, and the resulting brokenness we will now live in fallen and broken places and circumstances.

Over time though, I have come to accept that death is just another part of this life.  (Like my rejection or acceptance would have changed anything regardless).  We are all going to face hardships, and often different ones, throughout this life.  We are also all going to face death.  I heard the other day that 50% of all children die by the age of 8 in the Himalayas.  We take for granted the fact that we are given life, and often abundant life here in America, and spend it helping or entertaining ourselves.

I read in my Bible reading this morning that we are called to a holy calling, not because of our works but because of God saving us for His own purpose and grace.  We know our time here is limited.  Even if you don’t want to face it, you KNOW it.  It’s not an opinion, it’s a fact.  Even when times feel heavy and I feel like I’m thinking of and praying for a new circumstance throughout entire days, these times have purpose too.  We spend so much of our lives toiling for things that won’t really have a generational difference.  We should work while we’re here.  We should have friendships.  We should help and try to make a difference for the time we are here.  There is one thing that I know will have a lasting effect on each and every one of us- and that is eternity.

Because, we will face a day in eternity.  We will behold the glory of the God who never left us.  The God who comforts me beyond comfort when I am feeling defeated.  The God who upholds me with His strength when I don’t know how I’m going to find the strength to continue.  The God whom I consider it a privilege to be counted worthy TO approach His throne of grace with prayer requests and hurts.  None of the hard days have to consume me because this life isn’t all there is.  I KNOW that to every season there is a purpose.  While we have more entertainment, longevity, and materials to distract ourselves from that truth; it doesn’t change the truth.

“You don’t have to know a lot of things for your life to make a lasting difference in the world.  But you do have to know the few great things that matter, perhaps just one, and be willing to live and die for them.”                  -John Piper