When we first moved to our house, the hubs wanted to cut down all the trees and bushes surrounding our creek and pond. I convinced him otherwise, because how would my bird friends come to visit me if they had no where to stay? (Yes, I’m 80).
This morning I was feeling overwhelmed so I went out to feel the sun peeking behind the clouds and watch the different birds flying between all the branches. Then I was struck by the dirt mound to my left.
Last week we had to bury our cat, Ashley. She was hit by a car in front of our house. (I’m going to have a rant about driving the speed limit and actually stopping when you hit an animal another time). We buried her before the kids got home from school, but our girls were hysterical nonetheless.
There are a few moments of the kids crying that are burned into my mind: them crying and saying goodbye to K’s little sister (when we attempted to adopt her), my oldest son crying on the first day of school (because it takes a lot to get him emotional), and how sad my girls were when we told them about Ashley.
I want to protect them from every pain possible. But I know that it is impossible. I also believe there is pain with purpose. I told the girls to mourn Ashley. I told T and C the same when we said goodbye to K’s sister. It is good that they learn to love things and people without conditions.
I think it’s realizing this chasm in life that you start to understand it, even just a little bit. There are and will be beautiful moments throughout your life, but there will also be pain. Let them change you and cause you to grow.
Occasionally sit in the remembrance of it. Knowing it’s all a part of your story, and it can all work for good.
I think one of the most dangerous mindsets is the one that thinks everyone has to approve or agree of all your life choices. Your value shouldn’t come from what I think of you. My value or justification of my choices shouldn’t come from you. I’ve always said at the end of the day if you have peace with your truth (however you judge that) and yourself, that’s all that matters.
Personal story: When we started the adoption process for our first adoption, we specified race on our paperwork. Not because of us, but because I was worried about the adopted child being loved differently from others around us. I literally lost sleep over it because I didn’t have peace about it. I would stay up late and search through the Bible (my gauge of truth). I couldn’t find any truth to justify it, even if others didn’t agree. So we changed it.
Many people didn’t understand our wanting to adopt in the first place. Some family members were downright upset that we started the foster process after. (Not all, many were supportive). But I had one person literally say, “are you kidding me?” to my face. We’re they uncomfortable conversations? Yep. Was I upset? Yep.
But at the end of the day I knew I wouldn’t have peace if I didn’t live the Truth. Not everyone is going to like everything you do. Not everyone likes everything I do. It’s just not feasible in life. But I also don’t have to agree with your every choice to like you. If you feel the need to tear down those who oppose you, you are no better than them.
If you know what you’re doing is right, you don’t need justification from others. If you feel you need others to tell you that you’re right in order to believe it, maybe you need to examine why.
There is a place for Christian mourning with the state of affairs in the US today. It is sad to see the hypocrisy, hatred, and lack of looking to something outside ourselves. We, rightly, should mourn the moments of heartbreak we may feel day to day.
What a Christian should not do, is worry about the situation. When we question the times we are living in, we question the sovereignty of God. We know that only He knows what tomorrow holds. That was true 100 years ago, and that is true now. The hymn comes to mind “Many things about tomorrow I don’t seem to understand. But I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand”. Only God controls tomorrow, even in 2021. He is not shrieking in surprise every time something happens. None of it surprises him.
We should not be full of worry or pessimism because we know this isn’t where our story ends! This world was never what we were living for any way. Absolutely every thing in this world will cease to exist some day. “For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live”. –Romans 8:13
God’s Word is relevant today. There is no situation in life, even today, that His Word is not applicable to. We must also be careful to not romanticize the past. From the beginning, there has been sin. I always joke that I think the world is horrible, then I read the Old Testament. We need to not shrink back in fear, but stand firm because we are the ones that have an unchanging, joyful future promised to us.
“…in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us”. Romans 8: 37
I am 10 years or so in to parenting. I have spent most of my years trying to protect them from anything that will hinder their true personality or cause unnecessary pain. I have recently realized that their are going to be outside circumstances that will inevitably effect their growing into their own person, regardless of how much I want to stop it.
My 8 year old daughter has began changing a lot of things we thought were “part of who she is” of late. She has always loved sparkles, pink, frills, and anything girly. In the past few months, this has become a complete about face. She wants a completely new wardrobe of nothing girly. She wants to cut her hair shorter; whereas before she’s always loved her long, blonde locks.
I know she is also my child who wants to fit in with those around her. I am 98% certain that the change in appearance is linked to the fact that she doesn’t see many other friends into the girly things she was into. I can’t even tell you the number of times I have asked her why the change, her responses always being “I just don’t like it anymore”.
On the other side of that, I know my kids don’t care about a lot of things their friends do, and for that I feel to blame. Because of the makeup of our family, we have experienced more loss and heartbreak than most. Etched into my memory is my 4 and 6 year olds crying as we said goodbye to our almost adopted baby girl. I can see a clear image in my mind of us walking out of the State Foster Care Visitation building as we said goodbye to the little man we loved on for several months.
Now, don’t get me wrong-the brokenness that comes with fostering and adoption is minuscule compared to the beauty that has come from it in our family. We have 2 beautiful babies who are thriving in our home. We are able to, daily show our kids that looks and appearance alone do not make a family. We are able to show how easy it can be to be grafted in, what it means to “be adopted as sons”.
I want to protect them from everything, but I also know this life was given its thorns and thistles for a reason. Every area of this life is marked with sin and unrest. So in the meantime, I will be here for my kids, knowing none of our lives (including theirs) will be perfect or without suffering. Together we will look forward to a time where all things will be made new. One day we won’t be crying over good byes. There will be a time we don’t live to please anyone but the only One who matters. This is our hope.
This past weekend, I had a moment of dread when I thought I had been doing something wrong to my daughter’s hair the past 5 years. For those that don’t know, child #3 is adopted and is a different race than me. I’ve spent hours and hours reading, watching, practicing, and talking with others in order to better learn how to do her hair.
I initially learned how to do it because I do not ever want my daughter to feel like she HAS to go outside the home to have her needs taken care of. Yes, it will look better when it’s done at a salon as she gets older. Mine looks better when I go to a salon as well. So, it’s never bothered me that some day we may end up at the salon.
The other night revealed a less desirable trait in me as well. The first thing I felt when I thought I was wrong, was embarrassment. Embarrassment because I was worried what people would think if they found out I had been doing her hair wrong? Would it confirm the idea that multi-racial families are just too complicated? Would people think I’m not the best fit mom for my girl?
After this brief moment of doubt, I was reminded that I felt embarrassed because I had put too much pride in myself and my own abilities. Pride has no place in the heart of a believer, when placed in anything other than God. Can I have pride during my lifetime? Absolutely-but I put my pride in the right context when I realize any and every ability I have is given to me by God.
I’ve been reading a Puritan prayer a week from the book The Valley of the Vision by Arthur Bennett. My prayer this week is called “The Great God”. There is a section that goes like this: “Annihilate each clinging shred of self-righteousness, Implant in me true lowliness of spirit,… break me, then bind me up;…Thus will my heart be a prepared dwelling for my God;”. To annihilate means to utterly destroy. To implant means to establish. We should ask God for the grace to utterly destroy every shred of our own self-righteousness. (Because we cannot do it on our own). We should then constantly ask for lowliness of spirit to be established in us. (Because it’s not easy to not feel full of ourselves).
I get that the Christian life is often a topsy-turvy, upside down kind of life. What we are told to do often doesn’t make sense to the masses. But remember there is freedom in learning to die to self and live for God-in all aspects of life.
What reinforces this belief? The fact that when I realized doing my daughter’s hair correctly or incorrectly is not about me. It’s about her, because I want it to be done correctly. It’s mostly about God though, because in all areas of my life I want to glorify Him. There are times that only way we can glorify Him is correcting our mistakes and trying to do different. We try to do different by reminding our selves of the truths of the only person who truly can bind and heal our hearts.
I mean that as this story relates to where my mind goes when I do make a mistake, and how I handle the mistake. Long story short-I reached out to a friend who told me I was doing it correctly. I didn’t have anything I did need to correct. If I did, guess what? I would have corrected it next time and life would still continue.
If I wouldn’t have been focused on self, I wouldn’t have questioned whether or not I was the right mom for my girl, because I know God has given me this child on purpose. I don’t have to care about what others think of my mothering, because only one opinion truly matters. I wouldn’t focus on the difficulties of multi-racial families because I would recall the truth that no life is without difficulties.
Moments like this are bound to reappear all throughout life. Thankfully God’s truths are still here and they apply to all facets of life, even hair.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the way many Christians are handling the current situations going on in the world. I don’t pretend to handle every situation correctly. I also am not opposed to being corrected if I have been found standing on the wrong side of something.
That being said, I have stayed awake at night trying to figure out our stance as Christians during this current time. Not only because I’ve been confused as to how to stand; but also because I don’t like all the division, anger, and hatred I’ve seen.
Christians are told to not be a stumbling block for others, and we have no problem avoiding certain foods, places, or even attire to help others. Just do not ask us to wear masks to make others feel more comfortable. Because then our rights are being infringed upon.
While I’m discussing rights, we are not more American than we are Christian. Yes, America is a great country…the best in the world. I do believe there is a place and time for fighting for rights as Americans…but you cannot pass them as Gospel truths or the Christian motive. Even with standing up for American livelihood, there is a correct way to do it. I don’t believe getting angry on Facebook and arguing with others is the way to bring about change.
To me: this argument just further shows our entitlement as Americans. We EXPECT a certain level of comfort, and when that is taken away from us, it certainly can’t be of God, right? I’m going to say wrong.
I think about missionaries who literally surrender everything, all their rights as an American or even their distinct person to go to another country and find out how to serve and to adapt to the area of the world they would be called to. They do not go to the other countries talking about how they know the way life should be done, like in America. They don’t go preaching about all the things they have surrendered in order to go teacher the Gospel to others. No, they go to preach Christ and Christ alone. Certainly God wouldn’t call someone to do that, right? Wrong again. Many souls have been saved because of self-less persons not counting their life more important than others.
I don’t pretend to know why this is happening, but what if God wants to strip of us pride in anything in this life except for Him? I sometimes wonder, if the reaction to this pandemic is any indication of how we handle the end times, how many people we are truly going to lead to God by our love and truth. Are we going to sit on Facebook and talk about how the end times won’t effect our kids at “this certain school” because we have faith in God? Or how America will still fare better because I have rights as an American and I have faith in God.
THIS is our mission field right now. THIS world is not our home. Our job (even in America) is still to share Christ and Christ alone.
Excerpt from “I Surrender All” …All to Jesus I Surrender Humbly at His feet I bow Worldly pleasures all forsaken Take me, Jesus, take me now
I surrender all I surrender all All to thee my blessed Savior I surrender all